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Lonesome In Denial

by Nilo Crow

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1.
No Lie Is Bigger Than The Truth 04:12
lyrics
A million nights, a thousand days, still staring at the dark I’m not sure what, I’m not sure where, I tend to say I’m unaware Still staring at the dark. Where restless thoughts may find a rest, but finally they’re gone to broken lands But finally they are gone. My hands not moving nor my eyes, still tend to fly, still caged inside Like worms that eat, that crawl inside An everlasting day A snake’s unbitten tail And yet a tale’s a tale. My wisdom has forsaken. No lie is bigger than the truth. No lie is bigger than the truth. I burrow thoughts, I burry souls – surrender, still no time to surrender. I burry hopes, I dream of ghosts, but I am no pretender That’s what I still pretend. And may I crawl to merry land, I shall not dream, I shall not pass cause life is no sure ending. And I may pay, if not a rent The Fall, I fell, you fell. Still I feel no love, a cold ghost’s hand, a cold ghost’s heart. What is it that I still regret? Flow wide like wine, like dust, sunshine A dusty, sunny morning. I’m mourning here, I’m morning still but yet there is no You. A fool may understand. No hopes, just ghosts, just dust and bones. Just ghosts, just ghosts forever. No lie is bigger than the truth. No lie is bigger than the truth. No lie is bigger than the truth. No lie is bigger than the truth. Well, I’ve always been a liar and I’ve always been a fool. But no future has passed momentum, no lie is bigger than the truth. Have never written bloody poems and spoken words can’t stand me, too. I’ll ask my shadow for forgiveness, no lie is bigger than the truth. I’ve always served the drunken gods, but have I sworn to serve you, too? No mercy’s bigger than a silence, no lie is bigger than the truth.
2.
Queen Of Thorns 03:11
lyrics
I used to prick my finger on your golden hair, Your halo lies cause it’s a crown, A crown of thorns. I always knew what to say and so did you. But we never could And that was no good. I cried my tears when you were gone, I cry them still but now they’re words. Though I’m supposed to do… What am I supposed to do? And you just want to fly away, my lucky queen of thorns. I hear you when you ride away, I hear you, queen, both night and day. Though you are so far Our love seems ever gone. Was is it ever there? I’m afraid I should stop now. Silence always new better than we ever could. My queen of thorns, how dare you not, how can you but fulfil your lust? Your heave weight, your heavy words On my sweetest tongue. And you just want to fly away, my lucky queen of thorns. I hear you when you ride away, I hear you, queen, both night and day. Though you are so far Our love seems ever gone. Was is it ever there? I’m afraid I should stop now. And you just want to fly away, my lonely rose, My Queen Of Thorns, I heard you sung a different song each night and day, each breath you take’s so sharp. I fear your eyes and they fear mine, I loved you, loved you all the time, Our lips know no command How comes they don’t obey? And you just want to fly away, my lucky queen of thorns. I hear you when you ride away, I hear you, queen, both night and day. Though you are so far Our love seems ever gone. Was is it ever there? I’m afraid I should stop now.
3.
Fail 03:52
lyrics
Fail Drop by drop means word by word means word by word is dead. It’s dead but it won’t fall break the sky and burn it all, Burn it all to ashes. I’d kill it if I could. Though beauty fades forever her lips stick to my fading heart. Fail. The echo rises through my chest, it damns the Lord, it damns each good, Each word I’ve ever written. Fail. Darkness is forbidden and yet my shadow grows Beyond my broken kingdom, beyond my rotten clothes. Fail me my lord, my traitor-friend and I will fail you till the end Cause midnight comes undone. Another night will rise and squeeze and lift my broken chest And smash it, through clouds and fallen rainbows. I fail we fail and yet we still, still pound on secret doors. The shame I feel, like suicide, no spell, no tale can’t heal. The shame I feel, where is this we, where is my broken soul? Lift up the broken glasses, drink blood my bloody stream. Beat by beat means shame by name kills pain. A bleeding wound’s a power stream, a frightful spell, a liar’s dream. Oh, liar, liar, liar - you promised me to stay. And now you’re gone the pain awakes, a curtain covering my brave, My unpredicted way to say: I’ll leave it all behind. I fail we fail and yet we still, still pound on secret doors. The shame I feel, like suicide, no spell, no tale can’t heal. The shame I feel, where is this we, where is my broken soul? Lift up the broken glasses, drink blood my bloody stream. My closest friend is unaware, is there a we at all? The dirty rotten bastard dines with you side by side. He eats, he licks your golden plates, he drinks your cups then he creates A mess within a mess within a mess. His smile is like a thunderstorm, his teeth are sharp, his coat ain’t warm. He eats all fallen angels, cause he’s got none to lose. His light shines in the dark, it once shone bright, but now it sparks Eternity is lost. Cold burns a dying heart. I fail we fail and yet we still, still pound on secret doors. The shame I feel, like suicide, no spell, no tale can’t heal. The shame I feel, where is this we, where is my broken soul? Lift up the broken glasses, drink blood my bloody stream.
4.
I married Melancholia 04:22
lyrics
I don’t know if it’s good or bad, I guess it is the truth. My bride wrote me a letter, she said she’s not alright. Her thousand broken heartbeats, her taste of blood-red wine. She said she’s got another and yet she’s not alright. She wants me to be gentle, be gentle with her wife. Her testimony’s my word, my word, her heart, her life. A bold man’s got no glory, can see through all their lies. A bold man’s bound to die young and soon he’d married death. Her nameless being, sorry, I don’t know the address. I cried a fallen angel, an anti-human’s breast. I reckon your my saviour, my queenish king, my last. Had I a heart, I’d mean it, though meaning means itself. Can you accuse my foolishness, for I know no regret? So don’t confess your regrets, my heart’s always a mess. A bold man’s got no glory, can see through all their lies. A bold man’s bound to die young and soon he’d married death. I married Melancholia, a bloody sunrise dying. I married Melancholia, melancholy inside me. My bittersweet allowance, it’s time now for the truth. My latest prayer’s fading, it failed through all success. She cracked my heart to pieces, she glued it with her fire. She made me love her cold storms, she ached my body’s rest. A bold man’s got no glory, can see through all their lies. A bold man’s bound to die young and soon he’d married death. I married Melancholia, a bloody sunrise dying. I married Melancholia, melancholy inside me. A bold man’s got no glory, can see through all their lies. A bold man’s bound to die young and soon he’d married death. I married Melancholia, a bloody sunrise dying. I married Melancholia, melancholy inside me.
5.
Where Is My Happy Ending? 04:15
lyrics
So where‘s my happy ending? Where my heart was is a hole. Some wounds may never heal again, it has eaten all my soul. So look at me just slightly and tell me what you see Can‘t even look here in the mirror, this is not what I wanna be. A shame I just can‘t bear seems unchangeable to me. But still the only thing I think about Is she. No more, no more, no more, no more, no more tears to cry. I’m just asking, asking, asking, asking why. This lala lala lalalala love has made me fly. Forever is, forever is, forever is a lie. It‘s time to say goodbye, but darling I will die. You are me and I am you but I have failed. You are me and I am you but we have failed. You are me and I am you but I have failed. You are me and I am you but we have failed. So where‘s my happy ending? Where my heart was is a hole. Some wounds may never heal again, it has eaten all my soul. So look at me just slightly and tell me what you see Can‘t even look here in the mirror, this is not what I wanna be. A shame I just can‘t bear seems unchangeable to me. But still the only thing I think about Is she. You are me and I am you but I have failed. You are me and I am you but we have failed. So where‘s my happy ending? Where my heart was is a hole. Some wounds may never heal again, it has eaten all my soul. So look at me just slightly and tell me what you see Can‘t even look here in the mirror, this is not what I wanna be. A shame I just can‘t bear seems unchangeable to me. But still the only thing I think about Is she. No more, no more, no more, no more, no more tears to cry. I’m just asking, asking, asking, asking why. This lala lala lalalala love has made me fly. Forever is, forever is, forever is a lie. It‘s time to say goodbye, but darling I will die. I run into the night, my better half has died.
6.
Long Road To Solitude 05:34
lyrics
Where were you when the thunder came, the everlasting storm? And when they disappeared again this nothingness was born. Your days are dark, your nights are bright, but mine they are both grey. And so the man walks down the road with nothing on his mind. So who are you? And he replies: I told you I don’t know. I’ve lost my voice, I’ve dropped my words, the melody of rain. She followed him each day he goes and he just can’t get through There’s no escape, there’s no return, I’ll face here down the road He whispers in the wind Oh, solitude I’ll wait for you, a man waiting to die. Because he cannot stand another day, within the pieces of this mind he can’t obtain. How could he live when they where dying through a lie? How could he die when all his living seemed so vain? Through rivers low and mountains high, his heart beats on and on. Through miles unmarked and deserts dry, but yearning’s never gone. And when he sees the crying sky his soul starts bleeding, so do I, Why do you doubt(,) my bleeding heart, yes all men have to part. Bring peace and let me fly, why do you dare at all. Because I cannot stand another day, within the pieces of this mind I can’t obtain. How can I live when they where dying through a lie? How can I die when all this living seems so vain? Where are you when my heart explodes? Cause it won’t make it through. Yes, all their lies have taken tolls, the gap’s wide open, ground no close and I ain’t just a tragic tale, a story written fail by fail no history can’t state. So I just fade away - he says when night is dark. His solitudes mistaken. His heart will not awake. So he just walks away. And so the man walks down the road but bitter were his thoughts. A candle drops, a fire’s doomed, so darkness fills his soul. His gathering clouds, his foggy clothes, the moonlight shines and he concludes: Where are you when my heart explodes?
7.
Mind The Gap 03:37
lyrics
Wake up my heart, you’ve been divorced, well, you’ve been torn apart, A gun has left a bleeding scar without a bullet’s proof. „Where is your face?“, a mirror asks without a right to talk, Send back the traitors to their cells, don’t put them on the roof. Myself’s the biggest traitor, his lies won’t let me safe her, take on that bigger moment’s call, you shall, you can’t refuse. That bitterness is spilling drops on my unspoiled cartoon, Oh, shut up life, oh shut up world, three eyes can never close. While you’re starin’ at the gap, the gap is staring back on you, darkest hole of the universe. Inclined in every truth. A human mind cannot succeed despite of every word. Wake up my mind, they swallowed you, your nightmare has come true. Your words, your calls, yet all your screams can’t listen to them both. It’s always there, never away, it’s he or she or you. It links the gap, it breaks away, so tell me where’s my fault? I’ve never been to paradise, have never lived my youth. And yet it’s forcing me to put unspoken words to fading dreams unable to depict a beat, the beating of my heart. Each word handwritten’s wasted. And yet it’s me to chase it. While you’re starin’ at the gap, the gap is staring back on you, darkest hole of the universe. Inclined in every truth. A human mind cannot succeed despite of every word. The gap can see, can feel, can breathe exactly within you cannot cross, you cannot pass. You cannot link them two. I jumped the steps I mind the gap, my bridge became the truth. A missing link, a world of words, them letters three or two. Still haven’t been to paradise, but come on ask the Lord, I wonder if it aches or fears and maybe it is gone. Who should’ve known this more than him, cause she won’t understand. Give up the fight, put down the pen, her meaning is my word. All traitors will be banned, but where could this world ban them? Your mirror will be forced to grin, a smile ain’t worth a blessing’s sin. Hear you, my inner voice, my gap, my broken heart. Your tears belong to Heaven. While you’re starin’ at the gap, the gap is staring back on you, darkest hole of the universe. Inclined in every truth. A human mind cannot succeed despite of every word. The gap can see, can feel, can breathe exactly within you cannot cross, you cannot pass. You cannot link them two. I jumped the steps I mind the gap, my bridge became the truth. A missing link, a world of words, them letters three or two. Them ones containing you.
8.
Ain't 03:55
lyrics
Oh, mirror, oh, mirror, where are you my love Above in the sky or down in my heart? Obey all my orders, my body, my slave Your mind’s passed the borders, the threshold of pain. Oh, no it did not, it did not, not at all! I tied you in chains and don’t dare to give up! Obey all my orders, my body, my slave, Obey all my orders, Obey. Shut up, oh, shut up, I’m the writer, you’re not. And I closed that old book, so the ink flew itself. And so I grapped my sweet bottle, threw that cork to the walls Til I felt I was drinking the wine of my blood. Nevermind! Stay behind! – But the letters smelled so kind! And I emtpied the ink til my blood turned all blue. Oh, mirror, oh, mirror, I spit on your heart, I spit on your love, I’ll dare to give up. I’m born a boy, I’m not your man, slave-born, slain, torn, My body’s my cage, my victim, my shame. It’s aching it’s thriving – my mind, not your kind. You yell your commands, ain’t listenin’ a lot. I ain’t a real man, I know that I ain’t can’t feel through words, can’t touch it through thoughts. Fuck Jesus, fuck God, their bleeding ain’t worth and neither is yours, my mirror you lie. Oh, I do have a heart! Your great expectations ain’t worth My denial, my decline. Strong hands ain’t strong words ain’t strong scent But I do understand what you want what you wear. I won’t wait, wait no more, never woke up alone, For I’m lost never woke up alone. Don’t lie no more, oh, I ain’t a ghost, ain’t your kind, Ain’t the ruler of the world. I’m tired and betrayed, I’m a sinner, my Lord. Don’t trust your hands, trust your moves And can’t trust mine. How tender is the night? Ain’t touch, ain’t lead you through, Ain’t poetry, ain’t love. Oh, mirror you reveal a poem not a person Brought up by pieces one by one. A human in denial, A body in decline, I’m strong – that’s what you lied on me. And therefore I’m broken and therefore I’m lost, I ain’t a fake-God nor a pope, Ain’t a writer nor a man And neither I am yours, I’m lonesome in denial. And so it blood goes and so it Bloody goes.
9.
How Scarecrows Grow 02:41
lyrics
No sun is bold, no wine so cold, But you asked me how scarecrows grow. Where rivers vanish, trees decay. Where earth is glooming, May turns snow to ashes. I tell you, darling, I miss you so, I miss you so, I pardon that. But you asked me how scarecrows grow that scares me so, that scares me so. A figure creepin’ down the road, An owl is crawlin' down below. Its wings to heavy to unfold, That scares me so, that scares me so. Where is spring’s belly I bemoaned? That sun is old, that sun grows cold. Outside the world will fade away, I miss it so, I miss you so. A trunk passes the river close, I loose my mind, I loose my time. My heart is lost, that aches me so, I ask the Lord where scarecrows grow. A dusty mirror, a beautiful day, An image on the water. A sparkling tree will speak to me, A language I don’t know. That drives me crazy, pushes me through, My scarecrow grows, the rain is lost. Thank God for crops, God thank their gold! Go thank the ravens, thank the crows! But don't thank me, I scared them so, Heavenly thieves, but they got close. I ain’t got eyes, I lost their sight, I hear their croaking near or close. My hat a cloud to dark to look. Till winter comes, till I bemoan Last summer blind again, My empty eyelids faced upon. But you asked me how scarecrows grow, I told you it would scare you, though. Yeah, you asked me where scarecrows grow And know you know That light will fade, that darkness comes and goes again. And so it goes until the end.

about

Where restless thoughts may find a rest but finally they're gone to broken lands.

credits

released April 21, 2019

Music composed by Jonas Schlemme, Matthias Sauthoff
Lyrics written by Jonas Schlemme
Produced by Michael Kara
Cover Art by Laura Kern
Special Thanks to KulturBunt Neuperlach, Bahar Auer, Marc Haas, Raphael Brunner, Kathi Huster

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Nilo Crow Munich, Germany

"Where were you when the Thunder came, the everlasting storm? And when they disappeared again, this nothingness was born.
Your days are dark, your nights are bright – but mine they are both grey."
And so a man walks down the road, with nothing on his mind.
"So who are you?" – and he replies: "I told you, I don't know. I've lost my voice, I've dropped my words, the melody of rain." ... more

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